By Kristina E. Waters Ulrey, Inspire Contributor
Road trips are a great way to get into fights with your spouse. You could be driving along, everything just fine, and because you have nothing with which to occupy yourself, you begin to play "discussion zone." Yes, I have played this a few times and should know by now to just keep my mouth shut. Of course, so has my husband. Yet he still encourages discussions to keep him from getting bored on the road.
Here is how it usually begins... We enter the vehicle, excited that we are breaking from the daily grind. About half-an-hour passes and I play the "Did you Remember" game. I think every wife plays this game. It is usually a series of rapid-fire questions:
"Did you remember to let the dogs out?"
"Did you remember to turn off the coffee pot?"
"Did you remember to grab your suits?"
Here is where we act like kids playing a game. His responses might be:
"We don't have dogs,"
"You had the last cup of coffee."
"If it wasn't in the living room, it didn't make it to the car."
Not a millisecond later, I retort, "Do I have to do everything?"
I don't know why I do this. I mean, it is one thing to do this when your children or your siblings are trying to frame you. You are fighting for freedom- freedom from spankings, freedom to play games, freedom to stay up later. Even at work, people have come to expect this level of passing the hot potato - to save their jobs, position them for a raise or promotion, or protect their pride. But when you are in a marriage, I can't see the benefit of shifting blame. Let's face it, the only reason we are assessing blame is because of our own pride. There is no prize to be won. Sometimes we forget that phrase in the marriage vows, "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." We fail to see that, sometimes, we are sabotaging what God has joined together.
After all, in the center of pride, stands I.
Thankfully, we have learned to ask for forgiveness from each other very quickly when we recognize our iniquities.
But, a few hours into the road trip, I start getting restless. I try to be good, I really do. But inevitably, I head back into the "zone." I drift off into silence and think about our future, about marketing plans for my business, retirement funds, my correspondence list, childhood memories, why my brain doesn't have an off-switch. Then my husband asks me what I am thinking about. So as quickly as things come to my mind, I rattle them off.
Why hasn't he learned? Immediately, he starts to feel overwhelmed. One moment, he's thinking how wonderful life is and I go and open up a world of questions and uncertainties. I don't mean to worry him. For me, anxiety is as natural as breathing. He never worries about things. Why worry when God is in control? This is good for me. But often, when I start worrying, we start fighting.
So, in order to avoid all of this, I have found something new to play in the car: Our song. Anytime it's played, we stop any discussion that we're having and fall in love again. I grab his hand and remember every beautiful thing about him - his strength of character, calm demeanor, loving nature and off-beat sense of humor. For us, it works. He can even pinpoint when I start to melt in the song.
I was told that the secret to a long marriage is not talking on road trips. I wonder how true that is. I have only been married for a little over a year. I am still learning the ropes. But I have learned that often, a little thing like a song, or a laugh, can make the whole trip a lot smoother.