Being Mary In A Martha World

By Kathryn Graff, M.Div, Inspire Contributor

We all know the biblical story of Mary and Martha: Jesus visits their home. Martha scurries about making things "just so" while Mary sits at Jesus' feet, soaking up all that he says, relishing being in his presence. Martha, of course, runs out of energy and patience, and finally cannot resist pointing out the situation to Jesus.

As with so many nuggets of biblical wisdom, we are tempted to extrapolate the message from God's word without considering its original purpose or the context of our present day world. We, today, tend to claim Martha's attributes as our own. You know what I mean - feeling the need to prepare the latest recipes from our favorite magazine and to have our homes glistening, and, yes, even have the napkins match the china.

Because much in our culture promotes this "Martha Stewart" approach to life, we are inclined to believe that this is what we must do. Contrastingly, it appears as if Jesus is scolding Martha and praising Mary for her attentiveness to his presence. This being the case, we are almost compelled to affirm Mary's attitude in our attempt to be women after Jesus' own heart. Meanwhile, many of us are also saying secretly to ourselves, 'But, if I just sit around like Mary, nothing will ever get done! Then what?'

Let's go back to scripture for the biblical context of the Mary/Martha story. This story from Luke 10:38-42 is immediately preceded by the story of the Good Samaritan in which it is suggested that "listening" without "doing" is an empty exercise. Meanwhile, this story maintains that "doing" without "listening" is equally futile. We are talking about balance!

Is your life as out of balance as mine can sometimes be? Where does balance come from? I have come to realize that my relationship with God is the basis for maintaining a dynamic balance. That means that I need to be willing to talk to God and let my needs be known, like Martha did. It also means I need to be willing to listen to God in guiding my activities, like Mary did. For most of us the listening part is the more difficult. We need to go deep into our own heritage and regain the forgotten but rich practices of our faith, many of which guide us in how to listen to God. We must remember that God values relationship above all else and created us for relationship.

Just as Jesus gently chided Martha when she came to him with her complaints and acted to bring her back into spiritual balance, he can do the same for us. He reminded her that Mary had chosen the better way to participate with him. What did she do? She simply sat and gave him her undivided attention.

My grandchildren have been wonderful reminders to me in giving undivided attention to what is important. When it is story time they eagerly put all else aside and snuggle in, fully absorbed, noticing the bright pictures and details. As we are able to be like that, to let go of our concerns, our busyness, fragmentations of our lives, and just be with God - snuggle in - then God overtakes our scattered lives and focuses them once again. Attentiveness is healing, life giving, infusing us with strength that is not our own - but God's.

Part of our Mary/Martha issue is in knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Our deepest desire is to say yes to God's purposes for us, but that doesn't mean saying yes to everything that comes our way. Being unable to say no, especially to important causes, sets us up for becoming spiritually dry and undernourished. Our challenge is to say no only as a way of saying yes to God's purpose for us, making wise choices among good options.

One such recent choice for me was deciding whether I would care for my preschool grandchildren and build those important life-long bonds or join a wonderful group of skilled quilters to create a stunning quilt to be raffled off as a money-making project for our small local museum. The key is looking at each situation individually and listening for God's input concerning each request before answering. In so doing, our yes or no answers may remain the same, but our purposes for saying them become clearer.

What does all this have to do with an exquisite home? An exquisite home is carefully planned, tasteful, and exhibits balance. The balance for us, as Christians, is attending to the practical and the spiritual, taking both duty and devotion seriously. For most of us, this is an admitted struggle. As we attend to this meaningfully, ours is an exquisite home, one where people are greeted warmly in an atmosphere of joy and abundance!

Kathryn is a graduate of United Theological Seminary, trained in the Art of Spiritual Direction at Milford Spiritual Center, and is a member of Spiritual Directors International. She leads retreats and workshops on the spiritual life and serves as a spiritual guide and counselor. She and her husband are the parents of three grown sons and have five young grandsons. They run an interdenominational retreat center in the majestic San Juan Mountains of southwestern Colorado.